I just have to get it off my chest. Can’t write about it in my journal and can’t tell my husband about it. Usually if something is kept a secret, it’s not a good thing. That’s most likely the case here. But last December (2017) I met this guy. Very good looking and charismatic, and taken. Yep. We are both married and happy in our relationships. I don’t think much of it but I saw him sometime, maybe online, dressed up for Halloween? Anyway then he is in charge of running the meeting when my oldest son was baptized, and he stayed afterwards to eat food and chat with my parents! Then he comes to my ward to present stuff the end of December, and then a party in January, and I’m in total overload with this dude! This party his wife was at and I chatted it up with her and became closer friends. But I was also asking her things I could find out about her husband. Like his background and how they met and stuff like that. But I really like her! I don’t want to break up her marriage at all. I don’t want to let go of what I have. I don’t wish his kids were my own. I wish my kids were his sometimes though, but of course they’d be different kids and that wouldn’t be so cool. Yep, my whole marriage would not be the same as the one I currently have! It’s not rocket science. But still!! At this party while talking with him and hearing his stories and life, and seeing how adorable he is physically, oh MAN it’s hard to remember I’m married! Like I was flirting or trying to dress up for him or being in his line of sight or in the same room, and try to play up my life if I thought he’d be looking. And my hubby was at the party too! Well I told one person about how I felt and luckily that person just said it’s nice to have some eye candy. That is very very true but what about the butterflies about liking someone? I always can reel it back in though because I’m quite sure that he does not like me back the same way. So it’s all futile. But it’s still sooooo fun to just envision it! And what if by chance he did like me that way back? I’m just not going to chance it with the life I have now. I do wonder if my hubby would be clean shaven that it would make a difference in if I still find him attractive. Well, that brings us to today.
My hubby shaved his beard and it made me extremely happy! Even though we had a great night together last night, I still was excited to see his baby face again! So we go to a Chinese New Year party in a different stake, and I see some of my dear friends there. Yayyyyyy!! And then I saw the wife. I could not believe it. I was not expecting it. I was hoping to just end this lil crush and be on my way. And I didn’t put too much effort into how I looked. Crazy hair, no makeup, meh outfit...but I doubt he’d notice anyway so whatever. And he has on an amazing striped shirt that would be something I would wear if it was in a ladies size! I don’t need to get into how much I talked to the wife or how I got to talk to the actual guy a few times, and my hubby said hi to him too, but when I invited them as a couple to come to a valentines dance in our ward, I told him he should come anyway. And then my face got red. With my hubby sitting right next to me! Was that out of place? Even as a friendly gesture to them? I’m even considering having them over for games or study time or something as a family. Just so I can see him again but I’m just adding fuel to the fire now. Which won’t even ignite because it’s obvious he’s not interested. But if he was, I would never go past that. Secret relationship? Oh it’s a good fantasy. But I would never go through with it. And if he’s a stellar guy I know he would never too. So I’m stuck in this limbo of totally crushing this dude when I know that the less I see of him the more it will just fizzle itself out. At the same time he keeps on popping into my life and it makes it worse!
We are now Facebook friends. And I have his wife’s phone number to get together. And that was connected with his email. But I will never message him. I know I will not.
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Working out
I used to run cross country and track in my younger years, right through high school.
But, I have never been to a gym in my life.
I have never had a personal trainer.
I don't usually think about losing weight nor think I'm unfit.
Yes, I know that exercise is good for my body, emotionally and physically. I also know that people pay exuberant amounts of money for memberships to places and then never use them the way to get their money's worth. I think it's also silly when people go there to only run a treadmill. You can either buy a treadmill with your membership money, or you can go OUTSIDE and run!!
So yes, me being frugal, and having three kids, and having it as one of my goals to get my heart pumping every day, thought, "hm. What is that world really like?"
A few weeks ago was a Moms Pops and Tots fair, where there were so many kiosks of companies suited for children or adults. Most of them had draws to win free prizes. SURE! I'll go through some spam emails later if I win at least one thing!! Well, I won a ten day trial pass to SpaLady. It's an all women gym (not spa) with classes and trainers and equipment and all that jazz. Each of the locations in Edmonton are about 20-30 minutes from my house. Not so cool. They had free daycare. Very cool. Ten consecutive days though? What a stupid deal! Oh well. I tried it out.
I started my first class on Monday; Zumba. Again, never done it in my life. I couldn't keep up with the footwork! I'm not very coordinated. Next day, iron reps. That meant weights and cardio. My legs were shaking SOO badly that night. Today, 3-2-1. Three minutes on weights, 2 on cardio, 1 on abs. Being sore from the previous night, that half hour workout was BRUTAL! But I did it, and I felt good after. Flushed, and stinky, but still! Tomorrow I will do either zumba or iron reps again, and friday is my last day of the trial. It's a busy day so I'll just skip it. They will want to know if I'd continue....
NOPE!
I gained some new stretches I can do at home, I can look up anything I want online for free, and I don't need no personal trainer to tell me stuff I already know. All I'm really looking to do is get rid of the mommy tummy. Then, one day, run a marathon. But that requires running, which, I CAN DO OUTSIDE FOR FREE!!
None of this $200/yr plus $35 monthly for me. Nope nope. No thank you. Nice crap trial pass.
But, I have never been to a gym in my life.
I have never had a personal trainer.
I don't usually think about losing weight nor think I'm unfit.
Yes, I know that exercise is good for my body, emotionally and physically. I also know that people pay exuberant amounts of money for memberships to places and then never use them the way to get their money's worth. I think it's also silly when people go there to only run a treadmill. You can either buy a treadmill with your membership money, or you can go OUTSIDE and run!!
So yes, me being frugal, and having three kids, and having it as one of my goals to get my heart pumping every day, thought, "hm. What is that world really like?"
A few weeks ago was a Moms Pops and Tots fair, where there were so many kiosks of companies suited for children or adults. Most of them had draws to win free prizes. SURE! I'll go through some spam emails later if I win at least one thing!! Well, I won a ten day trial pass to SpaLady. It's an all women gym (not spa) with classes and trainers and equipment and all that jazz. Each of the locations in Edmonton are about 20-30 minutes from my house. Not so cool. They had free daycare. Very cool. Ten consecutive days though? What a stupid deal! Oh well. I tried it out.
I started my first class on Monday; Zumba. Again, never done it in my life. I couldn't keep up with the footwork! I'm not very coordinated. Next day, iron reps. That meant weights and cardio. My legs were shaking SOO badly that night. Today, 3-2-1. Three minutes on weights, 2 on cardio, 1 on abs. Being sore from the previous night, that half hour workout was BRUTAL! But I did it, and I felt good after. Flushed, and stinky, but still! Tomorrow I will do either zumba or iron reps again, and friday is my last day of the trial. It's a busy day so I'll just skip it. They will want to know if I'd continue....
NOPE!
I gained some new stretches I can do at home, I can look up anything I want online for free, and I don't need no personal trainer to tell me stuff I already know. All I'm really looking to do is get rid of the mommy tummy. Then, one day, run a marathon. But that requires running, which, I CAN DO OUTSIDE FOR FREE!!
None of this $200/yr plus $35 monthly for me. Nope nope. No thank you. Nice crap trial pass.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Date night
Last night I went on a real date with my husband. I don't think we have done that since last year. Sure, we date often, meaning we watch movies together on the couch and we spend lots of time alone talking and even do house projects. All kidless stuff. All done in our house though. It's hard to get out with three small kids because infants can be fussy, bedtimes can be challenging and mealtimes are even worse!! I like going to the temple with him too, but honestly, we aren't really alone together, getting to know each other like a date should be.
So! We asked our houseguest, his mom, to watch them for us. Gramma time is always good, right? But, I had no plan. We actually had to go upstairs and decide what we'd do. And we already ate.
We went to the "Edmonton strip", whyte avenue. It's great to see the cool businesses and young club hoppers and drunkards and homeless people all mixed together. We held hands and walked. It was probably -10 though, so we warmed up inside a bookstore. Ended up each buying a book! Then walked some more and had a coffee shop date. Sat in a booth and chatted. About serious stuff, old memories, work, my miscarriage, the kids a little, people watching, just whatever. When we do it at home we are often also attached to a screen of some sort so the convo can be one sided or shallow.
I absolutely love my hubby. I love him because of what he's done with his life, his personality, faith, charm, good looks, and best of all, he talks to me with ease!! I'm not afraid to disagree with him and vice versa. I can tell when he is really passionate about something. He is honest. In this world guys like him are hard to find. I wish that we could have "real" dates more often. We just are last minute planners.
I feel refreshed. I feel young. I feel valued.
I am so grateful that I'm not on whyte avenue as frequently as many others we saw-wealthy or not. My life is wonderful with a loving caring husband, and three well behaved children to take care of daily. I'm fulfilled.
So! We asked our houseguest, his mom, to watch them for us. Gramma time is always good, right? But, I had no plan. We actually had to go upstairs and decide what we'd do. And we already ate.
We went to the "Edmonton strip", whyte avenue. It's great to see the cool businesses and young club hoppers and drunkards and homeless people all mixed together. We held hands and walked. It was probably -10 though, so we warmed up inside a bookstore. Ended up each buying a book! Then walked some more and had a coffee shop date. Sat in a booth and chatted. About serious stuff, old memories, work, my miscarriage, the kids a little, people watching, just whatever. When we do it at home we are often also attached to a screen of some sort so the convo can be one sided or shallow.
I absolutely love my hubby. I love him because of what he's done with his life, his personality, faith, charm, good looks, and best of all, he talks to me with ease!! I'm not afraid to disagree with him and vice versa. I can tell when he is really passionate about something. He is honest. In this world guys like him are hard to find. I wish that we could have "real" dates more often. We just are last minute planners.
I feel refreshed. I feel young. I feel valued.
I am so grateful that I'm not on whyte avenue as frequently as many others we saw-wealthy or not. My life is wonderful with a loving caring husband, and three well behaved children to take care of daily. I'm fulfilled.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Sometimes blogs are good. Other times they are not.
Like that last post, I realized that when I keep secrets like that and do not journalize them or write them out or message or email or text them, they're stagnant. Like the times where I have fleeting crushes on other guys. Or when I wonder about my exes. Or when I bash my husband. They just get out of hand, and make the small situation worse. So, I'll try to resolve not to do that anymore.
I had a great Christmas. I think I will have a good New Years. But I have a perfect life.
Who else can say that they feel like the perfect family, with the hot mom and dad raising beautiful cute children who are well behaved in public, with the boy, girl, and baby? I don't have to worry about finances. I mean, I still save like scrooge and find deals everywhere, but if I want to buy myself something, I don't have to think, "hm, can I afford it this month?" I'm not a big spender anyway so it's more like, "should I cut my hair this Fall or wait until Spring?" I own my own house. I decorate it the way I like. I drive the classic minivan. I don't know of many who don't like me-but when I come across those people, we don't interact very much. My family is AWESOME. My friends are loyal. My health is great. And I love my calling!
(I feel like singing Jann Arden's "Good Mother" now. I've touched on all the points she sings about!)
I was thinking about Rachel last week or so, and how she is such an angel baby. If you could ask to take care of a baby, she'd be the one you'd ask for. She hardly cries, is super predictable on what she needs, is quietly observant, gets her rest all night, and smiles to make my heart melt. Upon reading an article from a past Ensign about a baby dying early in infancy, she quoted Joseph Smith on how those children were just too pure, too perfect for this world. I thought about my own life, and how I was given a perfect child that never made it into this realm. And Rachel is the baby after that, but how perfect I think she is right now. My heart just bursts with joy!
I love my firstborn because he's my first child. I love my second because she's my first girl. And I love my third because she's my first baby after a miscarriage.
Like that last post, I realized that when I keep secrets like that and do not journalize them or write them out or message or email or text them, they're stagnant. Like the times where I have fleeting crushes on other guys. Or when I wonder about my exes. Or when I bash my husband. They just get out of hand, and make the small situation worse. So, I'll try to resolve not to do that anymore.
I had a great Christmas. I think I will have a good New Years. But I have a perfect life.
Who else can say that they feel like the perfect family, with the hot mom and dad raising beautiful cute children who are well behaved in public, with the boy, girl, and baby? I don't have to worry about finances. I mean, I still save like scrooge and find deals everywhere, but if I want to buy myself something, I don't have to think, "hm, can I afford it this month?" I'm not a big spender anyway so it's more like, "should I cut my hair this Fall or wait until Spring?" I own my own house. I decorate it the way I like. I drive the classic minivan. I don't know of many who don't like me-but when I come across those people, we don't interact very much. My family is AWESOME. My friends are loyal. My health is great. And I love my calling!
(I feel like singing Jann Arden's "Good Mother" now. I've touched on all the points she sings about!)
I was thinking about Rachel last week or so, and how she is such an angel baby. If you could ask to take care of a baby, she'd be the one you'd ask for. She hardly cries, is super predictable on what she needs, is quietly observant, gets her rest all night, and smiles to make my heart melt. Upon reading an article from a past Ensign about a baby dying early in infancy, she quoted Joseph Smith on how those children were just too pure, too perfect for this world. I thought about my own life, and how I was given a perfect child that never made it into this realm. And Rachel is the baby after that, but how perfect I think she is right now. My heart just bursts with joy!
I love my firstborn because he's my first child. I love my second because she's my first girl. And I love my third because she's my first baby after a miscarriage.
Friday, December 19, 2014
I've been patient
It's finally Friday, and my hubby has no more work to do until the new year. He has worked like a dog since October, finishing off the Edmonton book and deadlines. I have stayed out of his way for the most part, keeping dinner citas lower with missionaries, skipped date nights, temple trips, anything that would pull him away from all the work he needed to do. He would work, eat my home cooked meals and usually put the kids to bed while I get a breather, and then go back to his office until at least midnight.
But it's all over! It's time to party with my love! The kids went to bed at a reasonable hour, the baby included, so I suggested we play a board game together or something! Well that got no response and Facebook seemed to be more important to him.
I've been in my bed reading a book for the past hour, hoping he will come up and see my scanties but no.
Then I can get on the rant that I do all the housework. I do all the cooking. Unless he doctors his own up or doesn't want mine. I do all the laundry. I do most of the childcare throughout the day. I just feel like all these things I'm doing are just expected of me nowadays! When he does do the dishes or watches the kids for me, I make sure I thank him deeply for it. He tells me from time to time im appreciated but, sigh. Am I being unreasonable or needy by any stretch of the imagination?
There are lots of things I could have blogged about how wonderful he is with the kids and listening to me when we have deep talks and other stuff, but I don't feel like writing that today. I feel like I kind of deserve a little attention for being his wife. Not what he can get from it, but what he can give from it.
But it's all over! It's time to party with my love! The kids went to bed at a reasonable hour, the baby included, so I suggested we play a board game together or something! Well that got no response and Facebook seemed to be more important to him.
I've been in my bed reading a book for the past hour, hoping he will come up and see my scanties but no.
Then I can get on the rant that I do all the housework. I do all the cooking. Unless he doctors his own up or doesn't want mine. I do all the laundry. I do most of the childcare throughout the day. I just feel like all these things I'm doing are just expected of me nowadays! When he does do the dishes or watches the kids for me, I make sure I thank him deeply for it. He tells me from time to time im appreciated but, sigh. Am I being unreasonable or needy by any stretch of the imagination?
There are lots of things I could have blogged about how wonderful he is with the kids and listening to me when we have deep talks and other stuff, but I don't feel like writing that today. I feel like I kind of deserve a little attention for being his wife. Not what he can get from it, but what he can give from it.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Ten days til...
So my hubby's calling is ward clerk. He will be gone before and after church on Sundays. I guess it won't be so bad once we switch to 9:00 church in January. He also has an assistant so that will ease the workload I'm sure.
The stake devotional is on the 14th...and the song I picked is Star of Wonder, by Sally Deford. (www.defordmusic.com) It's more suited for a guy, but I like the range, and I practice so I can hit the high notes effortlessly. My kids seem to think it's a Christmas carol, because I sing the chorus around the house, and now they've started singing it with me. lol
Our tree has been up for about a week now, and the kids began decorating it themselves. I don't have a problem with that, only that they aren't very tall! So today I spread out the decorations to also be on the top half of the tree. It's looking very festive now! Even the dining room table is 3/4 cleared!
For about three weeks I've been working on some new goals. I needed to get a kickstart once again, feeling like I wasn't contributing much to anything but raising my kids. Not that it's a bad thing, but my zing was missing. Mizzing. haha. Some of the goals that I try to implement daily included thanking three people, sending a nice message or act of kindness, get heart pumping, drinking 6 glasses of water, complimenting spouse, and reading a physical book. They do say that it takes 21 days to form a habit, and though I don't have to look at my 'to-do' list anymore, I am still aware if I've done them or not. The hardest one to do, believe it or not, is the drinking water!
I just don't drink liquids in general. So that's why I did six cups first, and then I can work my way to 8 or 10.
Because of all the arranging of music going on this month, and colder weather meaning more times I go somewhere with the kids, the thanking is hardly ever a problem to attain.
I'm in the middle of reading Madonna's biography and Insurgent, besides the scriptures or Ensigns or other church books I'm halfway through. I prefer reading real paper books instead of online ones, just because I'm on my phone a lot during the day so it's nice to pick up something that's not a screen.
Hmm, which should I read? :)
I think what I'm going to start doing is making a list of the things I'm slowly accumulating for Christmas for my family. I don't want to overspend, and it's so easy to do if I walk into a toy store or dollar store. Less is more, and my kids aren't too old yet to know how much they really are getting at Christmas time anyway. It's a blessing.
Next Tuesday will be my baby's third month. She has had a growth spurt and is getting pretty chunky! She's discovering her hands and sucks on them, and bats at things. Babies are so adorable and fun to have in a home. My other kids take really good care of her.
The stake devotional is on the 14th...and the song I picked is Star of Wonder, by Sally Deford. (www.defordmusic.com) It's more suited for a guy, but I like the range, and I practice so I can hit the high notes effortlessly. My kids seem to think it's a Christmas carol, because I sing the chorus around the house, and now they've started singing it with me. lol
Our tree has been up for about a week now, and the kids began decorating it themselves. I don't have a problem with that, only that they aren't very tall! So today I spread out the decorations to also be on the top half of the tree. It's looking very festive now! Even the dining room table is 3/4 cleared!
For about three weeks I've been working on some new goals. I needed to get a kickstart once again, feeling like I wasn't contributing much to anything but raising my kids. Not that it's a bad thing, but my zing was missing. Mizzing. haha. Some of the goals that I try to implement daily included thanking three people, sending a nice message or act of kindness, get heart pumping, drinking 6 glasses of water, complimenting spouse, and reading a physical book. They do say that it takes 21 days to form a habit, and though I don't have to look at my 'to-do' list anymore, I am still aware if I've done them or not. The hardest one to do, believe it or not, is the drinking water!
Because of all the arranging of music going on this month, and colder weather meaning more times I go somewhere with the kids, the thanking is hardly ever a problem to attain.
I'm in the middle of reading Madonna's biography and Insurgent, besides the scriptures or Ensigns or other church books I'm halfway through. I prefer reading real paper books instead of online ones, just because I'm on my phone a lot during the day so it's nice to pick up something that's not a screen.
Hmm, which should I read? :)
I think what I'm going to start doing is making a list of the things I'm slowly accumulating for Christmas for my family. I don't want to overspend, and it's so easy to do if I walk into a toy store or dollar store. Less is more, and my kids aren't too old yet to know how much they really are getting at Christmas time anyway. It's a blessing.
Next Tuesday will be my baby's third month. She has had a growth spurt and is getting pretty chunky! She's discovering her hands and sucks on them, and bats at things. Babies are so adorable and fun to have in a home. My other kids take really good care of her.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Christmas is coming!
Well, here I am again, still trying to figure out this big blog world. Thought I'd write a few notes.
The cita I had with my hubby means I won't see him very much on Sundays. But in the callings he and I have had in the past, it's no different, when I'd watch the kids for him, or when he'd do it for me. So, that's not a big deal. From his Patriarchal blessing I wonder if he'll ever be a Bishop, and I have mentally prepped for that.
Tomorrow is decorating the house day! So excited to have the kids help me with it! It's going to snow a heck of a lot so I figure we would stay at home.
The cita I had with my hubby means I won't see him very much on Sundays. But in the callings he and I have had in the past, it's no different, when I'd watch the kids for him, or when he'd do it for me. So, that's not a big deal. From his Patriarchal blessing I wonder if he'll ever be a Bishop, and I have mentally prepped for that.
Tomorrow is decorating the house day! So excited to have the kids help me with it! It's going to snow a heck of a lot so I figure we would stay at home.
I really hate winter. I thought I'd throw that out there.
Except hockey. I am still Canadian.
I hope my kids watch the Polar Express every day. I get a lot of housework done. Even better, I get a lot of exercise done too, dancing to "hot hot, ooh we got it!" Sorry, no video available. :D
I'm going to sing in the Stake Christmas Devotional. I am really excited! I found a new song I liked, and it will remind me of the Cantatas I was a part of every year. This stake hasn't heard me sing yet...so I hope they ask me to do more in the future. It's the only time where I get to apply what I learned at school, to memorize and lead a band per se, perform, and SING. I mean, level 4 sing, where your whole heart is into it, not just singing cuz a song you know is on your ipod. I'm not as good as I used to be, but I don't care.
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